OSCE'S

*Resurrection!!!*

How does one resurrect a blog? *Ponders*

Reaches for my bag...

*Fumbles for yggasdril leaf in bag*.. finds a fat caterpillar instead..

*Applies AED to blog...monitor comes to life*  "inappropriate for defib"

Does anyone know how to do CPR? Manual chest compressions on keyboard? Further fumbling for a valid excuse why blog will remain dead.....

Gah.... I must admit that I had almost forgotten I had a blog... Since I was tagged by Iona, and my conscience is twinged due to my lack of care.. here goes nothing..

5 things found in my bag. -
1. File of hardwork

2. Umbrella of drynesss                                                                                                                                    

3. Long Case Presentation of inadequacy

4. Stethoscope of deafness

5. Tendon Hammer of hypo/areflexia

This would be the names of the items you would find if you selected to open my bag in an RPG

5 things I like in my room.

1. My picture of Linda and myself                                                                                                                      

2. My comforter of climate control

3. My violin of distress and auditory torment                                                                                                       

4. My drawer of memories                                                                                                                                

5. My verse(s) on the walls.

My room is for me to sleep.. there isn't very much interesting in it as can be seen...

Next!

5 things I've always wanted to do.
1. Be a friend to the poor and needy and restore dignity to their lives. (i don't really know how right now)

2. Become a doctor

3. Remember all the stories in the bible...

4. Visit Israel/Jerusalem

5. Bring all my friends from IMU back together again for old times sake..


Next!
5 things I'm currently into.
1.  Praeludium und Allegro

2. OCF

3. Studies of haematology oncology infectious diseases and breast

4. Cooking

5. Cleaning


5 people to tag.
1. Sarah Ong

2. David Yu

3. Cindy Soon

4. Jane Lim!! :P who tagged herself rather

5. 1st unnamed person to read my blog who has a blog

Its coming to an end of phase 1 in IMU.... I will be finished with medical basic science in exactly 1 week (if I pass) and will be looking forward to clinical phase in Melbourne university come 2007. Yes I should be studying... there's only 3 days left to the exam, but one can't always study... right?  =P heh.

Upon reflection.... I really have grown up tremendously in my 21st year of life. Since God became real in my life, nothing's been the same. He has been guiding me, nurturing me everyday to grow into the man He wants me to be. May I always be at His feet willing to be lead and taught.

Sometimes I wonder if His hand had been guiding me and sheltering me all the time while I had been astray. That even at that time, I had been following my own way, His hand was right there keeping me from harm. He chose to pour out blessing on me, whether or not I was walking in His ways. Yes I feared God, but while fearing God, I was still steadfastly choosing to live life serving myself.

All this changed Christmas of 2005. I surrendered my life to God completely, and chose to walk in His ways, and live my life for Him. I renounced my self, and gave myself to God. He has made salvation real to me. And with that, filled me with a vision and a desire to serve Him all my days. He has given me purpose, fulfilment and contentment to live my life with abandon for Him.

Since then I have grown to learn to trust in Him, to learn to expect answers from Him when I pray, to learn to listen and look out when He is talking to me. Learning to trust  in God is not an easy thing. Very often times, we say we trust in God, but in reality we often scramble around finding security in our lives so we won't have to. And when we do find that security, we claim to trust in Him.... which is not really trusting Him at all.

God will keep me in medicine if it is His will, and I go to the exams knowing I have studied as much as I know how and its up to Him to do the rest. He has blessed me more than I can say or ever imagine (certainly so much more than I deserve). He has taught me, the greatest blessing He could ever give me, is His presence.... which alone fulfils all my needs.

I have found more fulfillment and satisfaction in life in this last 7 months, than I did in my last 20 years..... it is indescribable. He has liberated me from this world.....all I need is Jesus, and only when knowing that, am I truly free to live my life without fear. He is my security, He gives me my significance, and He gives me my purpose in living.

I am ready to give up everything for Him. I was so zealous I actually wanted to drop medical school to become a pastor or missionary for Him. But He brought me back to earth, telling me not to go and plan on my own how I was going to serve Him, but to wait on Him everyday for His guidance....

As this 21st year comes to it s last season(2 months) I cannot help but be amazed at the blessings God has given me. Wisdom, discipline, ministry of teaching, speaking.... and on top of all that, He granted me my heart's yearning..... I can only look back and be amazed at how He has sheltered and protected me all this years of searching on my own.

In this closing 2 months, I can only hold my breath with anticipation to see what our great God will do next..... All praise to God who reigns forevermore.

I confess, I never really make time to blog. I am indisciplined, impulsive, and do things when it pleases me. I've never needed discipline to do very much in my life... except excel at games, which doesn't really need discipline at all. Since the CF camp... its been CNS assesment, with mock OSCE, and then health issues with desperate EOS 5 revision..... which I may not finish in time .. properly anyway.

The CNS assesment, was a complete mind blower... I felt very unprepared... only revised for 2 days. Its perhaps the first time I actually felt scared to sit for an academic exam. The exam was supposed to be quite difficult, but by the grace of God, I was enabled to answer the questions. I have only ever asked any lecturer one question in this past year (my friends can attest that I'm either asleep, or I wouldn't care much and go and study on my own)  And that question which was not in our notes or our core text came out. Other parts of that exam were tricky as well, but I felt I could answer it. Whatever it is, exam results come out soon and we shall know...

The point to note is that I have been rather rash and unfaithful with my studies (Even I myself realisesd... revising CNS 2 days before assesment?? what the hell was I trying to do?)  I have been serving God sort of indiscriminately, and I kind of told myself, if God wanted to keep me in medical school, He would. I certainly don't recommend anyone try testing God like me, but it was a very sobering experience. I realised that maybe God wasn't done with me in medicine. And who was I to throw away the opportunity and ability to study medicine just because I felt I (with a great big capital I ashamedly) could serve Him better with my abilities in other ways? Getting the medical degree is a tool, its how God wants me to use it at the end of the day that counts. I may or may not become a specialist, I may not even become a practising doctor. Who knows? I shall need to continue to wait on  God and see how His will unfolds in my life. But for now to try and pass the coming finals..... the dreaded EOS 5..... 510 lecture notes to study anyone?

PMS matching results coming out soon as well...... I hope to get into Melbourne... top 5 (Adelaide, UNSW, Auckland, Otago) is acceptable...., 6th (Newcastle) and 7th(Aberdeen) is kind of still within my human plans, 8th onwards would be completely plan shattering. Not dream shattering though.... I still think UK should be an exciting place to be... but it does throw out the window all my plans that I had for the next 7 months. Gah.... CNS results and matching results out in the same week. How can any person sleep soundly knowing that he might be receiving life changing news when he does wake up the next day? I actually dreamt that I had received my matching results...Sunday night... in that draem, the entire form was a complete blur... all I knew was that number 4 was circled with a big circle labeled 'true'.. and my number 4 choice is Auckland....  If I do get Auckland... I shall be pretty afraid of my dreams.....and their consequences at least.

Studying for EOS 5 is a pain... 3 days for one system....Such a discipline everyday, is not normal for Matthew.... but being such a lazy creature that I am, I reckon its probably a good thing. Give me something to learn discipline about or really risk failing.  My singing teacher wants me to practise more, my violin teacher wants me to practise more..My parents want me to study more, I want to play boardgames more..... There's only so much my life can take more of, and I think that I need to cut the' me' first... but is soooo hard. (By the way, I have bought a new board game and are corrupting people in my batch to play, its called Carcassone, bought it this weekend, its short and sweet, and easy to learn, 10 minutes to teach, 40 minutes to play... yes even when every one is noob) Yes stupid me for buying a new boardgame for the exams.... but it is kind of the best time to buy it, because you can't study ALLLLL the time right! Right? umm.. right.....

Anyhow, lead form 5 CG for the first time, with the previous teacher Kim Bock observing. It was quite good, they were quite responsive.. I felt relatively anyway. My semester 1 CG is having exams so we're skipping one week... *BIG SIGH OF RELIEF* I really need my time to study. hahahaha. No the guys are great, and I really feel its a blessing to teach them, but I do need my time now anyway.... Shall make the best of this week.... Gotta go and study now.. besides the miserable exam coming.... life is looking up and I'm feeling good.. (until CNS and matching results come out anyway) Until later updates........

Just got back from IMU Christian Fellowship camp. I must say that I don't believe I've felt more alive on less sleep compared to any other 2 days in my life. Its been just.... so unreal... To spend so much time worshipping God, to have the opportunity to listen to a message which is rather unpreached that the Christian youth need to hear so badly. That the way to know God, is through surrender, not by how much you do. That you must be DESPERATE to change before God will transform your life. How you need a transformed life and a renewed mind if you want to discern God's will in your life.

To spend time together with friends at the camp, to be able to share so many waking hours, seeking God, find more about Him, in a compacted 2 day period, sleeping only 7 hours inbetween. Not really experienced anything quite like it. To feel the love of  my Christian brother's and sisters, even when we don't really know each other that well to start with. To get on our knees together in surrender to God. The fact that I am still awake now and typing coherently is amazing really.

Will add more later, when I have the time. All praise to our amazing, awesome, all-powerful God for the CF camp!